LETS HAVE LAUGH.

With regard to having a few things to occupy and lift our spirits up a bit.

We could get a fancier to pick a subject relative to our sport, take it in turns to pick a subject and write a poem on that subject.

Funny, serious but not ??????.

Regards.

No one seems interested so I will have a go.

FORMOTION

Barnie likes a very nice loft
Irrespective of the cost
David takes a different line
But everything v works out fine
Peel Bos like plenty to race
But are rarely off the pace
Don Webb has little to say
But that is just his way
Redrog has some funny views
But that is hardly recent news
Daz is retired the same as me
And we often see eye to eye you see
Hal has seen far better days
And is obviously set in his ways
Knackered is a bit like me
Well past it as you can see
Oldstrain and Alfie are not forgotten, it is their like on whom the sport
depends.
It is a great pity that the idiots who have ruined it cannot make amends.

MISTY wrote:

No one seems interested so I will have a go.

                 FORMOTION

        Barnie likes a very nice loft
        Irrespective of the cost
        David takes a different line
        But everything v works out fine
        Peel Bos like plenty to race      
        But are rarely off  the pace
        Don Webb has little to say
        But that is just his way
        Redrog has some funny views
        But that is hardly recent news
        Daz is retired the same as me  
        And we often see eye to eye you see
        Hal has seen far better days
        And is obviously set in his ways
        Knackered is a bit like me
        Well past it as you can see
        Oldstrain and Alfie are not forgotten, it is their like on whom the sport
        depends.
        It is a great pity that the  idiots who have ruined it cannot make amends.  
               

hay, that was fantastic misty, i reckon this should be the forum slogan / motto , excellent , plenty of thought gone into this one .......thanks for sharing misty, really cheered me up that did .

David wrote:

MISTY wrote:

No one seems interested so I will have a go.

                 FORMOTION

        Barnie likes a very nice loft
        Irrespective of the cost
        David takes a different line
        But everything v works out fine
        Peel Bos like plenty to race      
        But are rarely off  the pace
        Don Webb has little to say
        But that is just his way
        Redrog has some funny views
        But that is hardly recent news
        Daz is retired the same as me  
        And we often see eye to eye you see
        Hal has seen far better days
        And is obviously set in his ways
        Knackered is a bit like me
        Well past it as you can see
        Oldstrain and Alfie are not forgotten, it is their like on whom the sport
        depends.
        It is a great pity that the  idiots who have ruined it cannot make amends.  
               

hay, that was fantastic misty, i reckon this should be the forum slogan / motto , excellent , plenty of thought gone into this one .......thanks for sharing misty, really cheered me up that did .

Absolutely brilliant etc I say David correct in every detail I suggest, bar one thou I'm     as truth be told I'm actually a secret Chinese spy type here, in my middle twenties, bald like a skin head type, live in Wuhan & enjoy shopping down at my local market as such for all the specials of the day there.

Excellent!

thats excellent misty ....one of the best posts i have seen on the forum ever great topic ,will see if the pair can come up with something

yeah half decent that pal, you missed your vocation,

'Thank you for the kind remarks'

The idea was to get you all involved
So that maybe our problems could be solved
Humour can often lift our spirits
And not those that are now off limits
So come on lads and lasses all
And answer this plaintive call.

And God bless you all.

I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes."

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him.

Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends!"

A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother."

Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER.."

What is the definition of Mistress?

Someone between the Mister and Mattress.

Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE??*

"Without Information Fighting Everytime"

Wife replies, "No, It means, "With Idiot For Ever" !"*

A woman asks man who is travelling with six children,

"Are all these kids yours?"*

The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints".

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"*

Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential."

Nominated as the best short joke this year...

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?" "Not yet," she replied.

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy's 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned!
Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother.
'Granny,' he asked, "It's me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like me fa, his fa, and his fa before him?"
Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your fa, your grandfa and your great grandfa were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, ya dip shit".

Read on another site. Thought it quite good.

It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few local businesses.
A local Bra Shop has gone bust.
A Mining Company has gone under.
A manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation.
A Dog Kennels has had to call in the retrievers.
An origami book company has folded.
An Ariel Installation company has called in the receivers.
A Key Company has gone into lockdown.
A Watch Smith has wound down and called time.
An Iceland store has had its assets frozen.
A Shoe Factory has been soled and employees given the boot.
The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders.
The tarmac company has reached the end of the road.
The bread company has run out of dough.
The laundrette has been taken to the cleaners.
And finally the AA Recovery Service are on their way to a breakdown.

Daz wrote:

Read on another site. Thought it quite good.

It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few local businesses.
A local Bra Shop has gone bust.
A Mining Company has gone under.
A manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation.
A Dog Kennels has had to call in the retrievers.
An origami book company has folded.
An Ariel Installation company has called in the receivers.
A Key Company has gone into lockdown.
A Watch Smith has wound down and called time.
An Iceland store has had its assets frozen.
A Shoe Factory has been soled and employees given the boot.
The Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders.
The tarmac company has reached the end of the road.
The bread company has run out of dough.
The laundrette has been taken to the cleaners.
And finally the AA Recovery Service are on their way to a breakdown.

not working for me I'm etc Daz as sadly, I require a few more of the same as such as I'm a bit thick in the head down here in what your attempting to imply .

Come on lads and lasses.

Every fancier has a story to tell.

Does not have to rhyme.

How about the event that gave you the most pleasure during your time in the sport.

For myself I always tried to have every pigeon in the loft gain a card of some kind, showing or racing.

Not always a winner but a card.

I had a gay pied cock with the looks of a champion but was no good in the show pen as he had bull eyes (frowned on by judges).

Always beaten by loft mates racing, was going to give up hope.

It was a time when you could see batches going over in their hundreds, if not thousands.

Then one Saturday my hopes and faith were rewarded.

There was a very large batch going over, (can see it today) and a pigeon broke away, came weaving and diving from a great height, it was the pied cock and he won the race.

My best memory.

Regards.

MISTY wrote:

Come on lads and lasses.

Every fancier has a story to tell.

Does not have to rhyme.

How about the event that gave you the most pleasure during your time in the sport.

For myself I always tried to have every pigeon  in the loft gain a card of some kind, showing or racing.

Not always a winner but a card.

I had a  gay pied cock with the looks of a champion but was no good in the show pen as he had bull eyes (frowned on by judges).

Always beaten by loft mates racing, was going to give up hope.

It was a time when you could see batches going over in their hundreds, if not thousands.

Then one Saturday my hopes and faith were rewarded.

There was a very large batch going over, (can see it today) and a pigeon broke away, came weaving and diving from a great height, it was the pied cock and he won the race.

My best memory.

Regards.

 

My bit for the cause a story I've had repeated to me over & over for near on 40 odd years by my other half here . Starts one cold wet rainy miserable type day, that cold it was snowing in the near by hills. My boy decided thou it was the day to go & watch his favourite football side play, called Essendon who were playing at a ground called Waverley park near home here. A sh*te hole type place on a good day, but be there when it's near snowing was sheer torture to sit & watch a game of football outside etc because of the wind chill factor which was as real killer there. Game come & went, my boy was happy as his side won & when we arrived home after dark & not expecting all that much I asked my other half how we all went in the race from 300 odd miles while we were at the football, which by the way was the first race she had ever clocked a pigeon in her life time & the answer I got believe it or not, was we won what, we won the Club. No I won the Fed for you & B/E ( the icon) was 2nd Fed also would you believe etc . Now, other half here     since that day I'm has been the expert on all matters pigeon related in her own mind & I've never been allowed       to forget what she did on that day as such in a pigeon sense .

Very good,! Who,'s next?

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning. Can you believe that – 2:30 am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.....

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner - talk about Dyson with death.
Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
Man calls 999 and says, "I think my wife is dead" The operator says, "How do you know?" He says, "The sex is the same, but the ironing is building up!"
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
Spent £40 on Ebay last week for a penis enlarger. Just opened it and some swine sent me a magnifying glass!
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet...
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.
Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should change dentists?
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die, you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said, "I would like to come back as a cow." … I said, "You're obviously not listening..."
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the casualty ward. It turns out the new Dyson Ball Cleaner isn’t what I thought it was.

Daz wrote:

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning. Can you believe that – 2:30 am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.....

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner - talk about Dyson with death.
Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite? All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
Man calls 999 and says, "I think my wife is dead" The operator says, "How do you know?" He says, "The sex is the same, but the ironing is building up!"
I've just had a letter back from Screwfix. They said they regretted to inform me that they're not actually a dating agency.
Spent £40 on Ebay last week for a penis enlarger. Just opened it and some swine sent me a magnifying glass!
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet...
What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One's a superhero and the other is an instruction.
Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse! Do you think I should change dentists?
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die, you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said, "I would like to come back as a cow."  … I said, "You're obviously not listening..."
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. It's called a wedding cake.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
Hi mate I don't want you to panic but I'm texting you from the casualty ward. It turns out the new Dyson Ball Cleaner isn’t what I thought it was.

.

Come on lads and lasses you must have at least one outstanding event in your time in the sport.

Regards.

MISTY wrote:

Come on lads and lasses you must have at least one outstanding event in your time in the sport.

Regards.

i clocked in once ...........

You must have been over the moon David.

Are you sure it was in the right race and not the previous one.

Regards.

probably was misty, i wondered why the rubber was a different colour to everyone elses .......

David wrote:

probably was misty, i wondered why the rubber was a different colour to everyone elses .......

& you sell pigeons there apparently David . Reminds me of a favourite pigeon of mine I lost & then got home from a 20 mile toss etc 18 months after the first batch. None of that yards per minute thing it was minutes per yard it went that slow    .

You can laugh about rubbers but when you drop one amongst deep litter, have two races on the same day using two different clocks and you eventually locate the rubber and forget through frustration which clock is which ????????.

OH HAPPY DAYS.

Regards.

MISTY wrote:

You can laugh about rubbers but when you drop one amongst deep litter, have two races on the same day using two different clocks and you eventually locate the rubber and forget through frustration which clock is which ????????.

OH HAPPY DAYS.

Regards.  

You want to just watch an old fella with the shakes etc try & put a rubber in a thimble on race day & then put the 2 pieces together to then go in a clock as such . Out do Billy Connelly every day of the week for the laugh factor .

We have some experienced fanciers on site who must have enjoyed many different experiences both funny and not so funny.

Would liven things up a bit if they would compete a bit for the most laughable or cry able ones.

But then Knackered ??????.

Regards.

This is my contribution, 100% true.......

Must be 20+ years ago and the pigeons got a problem with depluming mite leaving them with bald patches on their crops, looked awful.
I was told about a creame from chemist to sort it in a few days, so when my wife was out shopping I just wrote down the name (escapes me now) on her shopping list and asked her to call in and get a tube.
When she returned she says, "there's your creame, you'll never guess who served me? Shirley from 2 doors down, her lad in same school class as ours, she's working in the chemist part time now".

Oh dear! Even now all these years later my wife still doesn't know the creame was for crabs, pubic lice.

Cleared the birds up in a crack though