A frustrated wife buys a pair of crochless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex life, she puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband and at strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ...enough times till her husband says..."are you wearing crochless panties ?" ~"y-e-s ", she answers with a seductive smile. "thank god for that... i thought you were sitting on the cat!"

a guy goes to the doctors ,
tells the doctor he has lost 3 stone in as many weeks, so the doctor sends him for test up the hospital. after the test he is diagnosed with yellow 24, whats that the guy says?, its when your vital organs start to give out, i can can give you some tablets and advise you to come back in two weeks, on that note the guys says sod it i'm going to the club for a pint and some bingo.
has is pint , playing bingo, gets 4 corners £40.00,
next card gets a line £80.00.
next card gets a full house £1000.00,
compare says it must be your lucky day, guy replies "lucky day i've got yellow 24, compare replies "bugger me you've won the raffle as well" !