Shame and regrets

Joyce and I, have a row, maybe 3 times a year. Or rather I lose my rag and shout at her. Against all my beliefs and Christian understandings.

 Saturday tea-time.
This row raises its ugly head 2-3 times a year, as it has done for over twenty years.
Joyce can't accept my views on this issue.  i believe it is irrelevant and of no concern to her.
 
Something seen, said or  thought starts her off. So for a few hours, she broods, and I get the vibes. Irretating and bad vibes. Joyce knows this and continues moreso, knowing it is getting to me... A few hours later- after speaking and trying to get her to say what is up - she knows, of course, as I do, but refuses to say. After another while and her face pulling and stamping. I tell her what it is etc. I was right. Then I lose my rag and shout and spout some unkind words. None true!

We calm down and makeup.

But I feel so bad! Regardless, through the night, holding and apologising etc.
Next morning I'm still so ashamed that I spoke/shouted as I did, and feel not good. Not good to say the least. Joyce says 'Ah its all forgotten' etc. (I know this isn't true though for it will become an issue again a few months down the line.)  

Still now, Monday and I am still ashamed. Feeling remorse. Wishing I had shut my mouth.

Things said in a temper eh! Hurtful things, stuff you can't take back, words you wished you had never said!
For nothing good ever come out from them!

 Shame and guilt, and you know, now not a thought, or care regards who was right or wrong. All is now irrelevant! It doesn't matter!

 Well, it does really, because it damages, even in a small way a loving and caring relationship.

Yes, Joyce is fine, and hovering around me like broody hen as always... Which brings home the fact she never deserved those unkind and nasty words!

 A bunch of flowers would would only enhance the guilt of shame and wrongdoing, eh!

we have all been there daz, i have learnt to hold my tongue on most things, but even so i do and say things i regret, and feel guilty for.......not very often these days ill be honest, but we are all only human, and do need to let off steam every now and then.

a trusting, healthy relationship is all part of disagreeing sometimes ....

My way has always been to go silent for maybe a couple of days, with my present wife.

My wife always says, "So it's the silent treatment then"

My first wife I cannot remember having any major upsets other than my having to ask forgiveness for my indiscretions which were willingly given.

Know that if I let my feelings go asunder I would later regret it.

We are but humans DAZ, we all have regrets, we all make mistakes, our morals are tested on a regular basis and have yet to meet anyone who has no regrets.

Chin up Daz we both know what it is all about and who tests our resolve.


Man will not be the judge as you know Daz.

Just keep the faith.


Regards.

Often said 'We hurt the pnes we love. That must be inconsiderate.

Was up the local drinking club when my best friend said 'Look at him' He should be ashamed of himself'.
Why. Because a husband was tearing strip off his wife. Why, be cause she dared to make a jibe regards a certain behaviour of his.
Dick, my best mate, explained a home truth.
Saying. now Tommy there get insulted and ribb galore nigh all the time. Not once has he objected or rasise a protest even.
His so - called mate take the pee out of him every time he is here.  Not a word of protest!
But the first time his wife says  something, he is up on his high horse berating her. Shouldn't be having a go at the wife who shares his life and looks after his kids. It should be the morons taking the pee'!
How true.
What contempt to show a 'Loved one up' in public'. Or the kids!

that sounds like a bully daz, bullies pick on either weaker people, or ones he knows cares about him and will take it without fighting back.........there are a few things i hate, a bully being one of them..

David wrote:

that sounds like a bully daz, bullies pick on either weaker people, or ones he knows cares about him and will take it without fighting back.........there are a few things i hate, a bully being one of them..

You should like this one David maybe. Bunch of local coppers, called to a hospital out patent causing trouble etc there got him on the ground outside & then one of them started kicking him repeatedly in the head to send him a message. One Bully in a uniform is how I would best describe the man I'm sadly. Nearly forgot     before they started kicking sh**e out of him, they actually ran into/over him would you believe with a police car also     & it didn't really matter to them that he had a mental health issue either apparently.

Can understand the frustration some law enfocement people experience and that is why selection of those entrusted to keep the peace is of paramount importance.

The old type copper did not have to contend with the present day Low Life.

It is an unfortunate fact that due to the present selection methods of the police farce etc; criminals and all types of odd balls have been allowed to join our protective element.

There is no way one can predict how these types will react in any situation.

Afraid any semblance of reason or sensability has been lost due to the PC and Flower People.

If a genuine examination of those in the police force was undertaken by a phychiatrist I feel that very few would be classed as suitable.

Regards.

sweated all night. Even woke twice wanting a pee. But I wwouldn't start that caper. so I ignore and go back to sleep etc. Happens, maybe two nights! But then I have long periods of not waking in night like many do.

So I get up about ten. Look out the window etc. I see the washing hanged out to dry. Joyce has also cleaned out all the dishes and baths and replenished with fresh water for the birds.

I go for a pee, and decide on a shower etc.
Back in the bedroom, I see the bed is changed and clean sheets etc. etc. as always.
Getting dressed Joyce comes up and asks if I want any thing, a hand etc.
Clean cloths on and down I go.

I take a Diabetis reading, joyce writes it down. Have my Jabs. Then the tablets are sorted.
i go over and sit on arm chair. joyce takes my Blood preasure and writes it down -- Readings are sent in to Doc's  weekly.

Joyce asks what I want for breakfast and says she'll make It.
But am having a coughing spell. So I say I'll sort when done. Which I do.
Deciding on toast and Marmite with cheese.
Eaten I then- as always, bring up everything clinging inside my tubes.
Joyce is there for me every step of the way. AND to think I shout and lose my temper with her!

Yes David 'Bully'. I hated them with a vengence at school, and banned Bullying.
I may have posted as such before. But will most likely do so again.

You are certainly having a rough time Daz.

Just hope they can sort something out for you.

Hard to understand events at times.

Regards.

Had Leicester Hospil phone this morning. Just after I got in from Council and blood test. I have a appointment Sat for Scan.

Now waiting for the other consultant that is booked me in for a 'Phone consultancy'.

Daz wrote:

Had Leicester Hospil phone this morning. Just after I got in from Council and blood test. I have a appointment Sat for Scan.

Now waiting for the other consultant that is booked me in for a 'Phone consultancy'.

Hang in there etc Daz trying time I know, but Joyce will keep you on the straight & narrow I suspect, hopefully . & take care.

Kettering hospital just phoned for a session. Good news, Lungs, no worse. So another appointment in six months.

Could not be better news Daz, very pleased for you.

Chin up.

Regards.

Daz wrote:

Kettering hospital just phoned for a session. Good news, Lungs, no worse. So another appointment in six months.

great news daz, good to hear .........

Daz wrote:

Kettering hospital just phoned for a session. Good news, Lungs, no worse. So another appointment in six months.

great to hear daz